Here are 4 common beliefs that we all hold from time to time. However, the problem is they aren't true, and all they do is feed our anger.
People should be perfect.
This may be desireable, but it isn’t going to happen all the time. We need to accept that the world is populated by fallible, messed-up human beings, just like you and me. Telling myself that I can’t cope with human infallibility is an excessive anger producing lie. I may not like it, but I can cope with it.
It is always awful or intolerable if I fail to get what I want.
I must always get what I want, when I want it. This is untrue on virtually all occasions. There may be the very odd exception, but it is usually not awful or intolerable if I fail to get what I want. It may be undesirable or inconvenient, but we do not need to push the level of discomfort into something that is not true. Telling myself that I can’t cope if I fail to get what I want is an excessive anger producing lie.
I need other people to act well, in a way that I think is right.
This is completely untrue. I may want them to act well. I may prefer them to act well. But I can cope if they don’t. Telling myself that I can’t cope if they don’t act well is an excessive anger producing lie.
There is a law in the universe that says I must be treated fairly, kindly, and considerately and it is completely intolerable if this doesn’t happen.
This is completely untrue. There is no such law written into the fabric of the universe. It may be preferable for me to be treated fairly, and it may be unpleasant when I am not, but I can cope when I am treated badly. Telling myself that I can’t cope if they don’t treat me well is an excessive anger producing lie.
What strategies have you found most helpful in dealing with your own excessive anger?
For help with your anger management from a specialist counsellor, either face-to-face, or over the phone, or via Skype, contact Jame Rye, the Kings Lynn Counsellor.
People should be perfect.
This may be desireable, but it isn’t going to happen all the time. We need to accept that the world is populated by fallible, messed-up human beings, just like you and me. Telling myself that I can’t cope with human infallibility is an excessive anger producing lie. I may not like it, but I can cope with it.
It is always awful or intolerable if I fail to get what I want.
I must always get what I want, when I want it. This is untrue on virtually all occasions. There may be the very odd exception, but it is usually not awful or intolerable if I fail to get what I want. It may be undesirable or inconvenient, but we do not need to push the level of discomfort into something that is not true. Telling myself that I can’t cope if I fail to get what I want is an excessive anger producing lie.
I need other people to act well, in a way that I think is right.
This is completely untrue. I may want them to act well. I may prefer them to act well. But I can cope if they don’t. Telling myself that I can’t cope if they don’t act well is an excessive anger producing lie.
There is a law in the universe that says I must be treated fairly, kindly, and considerately and it is completely intolerable if this doesn’t happen.
This is completely untrue. There is no such law written into the fabric of the universe. It may be preferable for me to be treated fairly, and it may be unpleasant when I am not, but I can cope when I am treated badly. Telling myself that I can’t cope if they don’t treat me well is an excessive anger producing lie.
What strategies have you found most helpful in dealing with your own excessive anger?
For help with your anger management from a specialist counsellor, either face-to-face, or over the phone, or via Skype, contact Jame Rye, the Kings Lynn Counsellor.
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